Feeling conflicted about changing or accepting your pandemic look? These tips can help.

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Clik here to view.You are not alone if you have recently been torn between resuming your “normal” life and responding to your pandemic appearance. Many people acquired a new sense of comfort with long, gray hair, bushy beards, makeupless or Botox-free skin, and extra pounds as the stressors of the past year increased. Many people adopted a more natural, mindful lifestyle as a result. The relaxed guidelines on Coronavirus exposure are bringing more Americans into closer contact; as a result, many are feeling external and internal pressure to regain their former appearance.

As the pandemic hit, 52-year-old Sandi Duverneuil stopped going to the gym and moved into a sedentary job from home. She said she gained weight steadily but was mostly okay with it, along with her outgrown hair, as long as she didn’t have to change into her work clothes or turn her Zoom camera on for work. As she prepared to return to the world, however, she began to worry.

My experience and those of my colleagues, all of us clinical psychologists in the Arlington and Washington, DC area who use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques, have led us to witness many patients who struggle with the relationship between their natural appearance, the restraint of activities and increased snacking that led to weight gain over the past year. Similar conclusions have been reported in studies about decreased physical activity and weight gain coinciding with the shutdown. Media organizations have referred to the weight gain as “pandemic 15.”

It is now a fraught topic whether to lose the pandemic pounds. Those who support body positivity advocate accepting yourself no matter what you weigh. In her book, “Fat Girl on a Plane,” Kelly DeVos argues that loving yourself as you are is the best approach. 

The societal reopening is, however, seen by some as the chance for a fresh start, a chance to commit to changing their lifestyles in order to shed pounds and enhance their health. During the pandemic, writer Sherry Richert Belul said she was alert to the fact that the way she was was not what she wanted — she wasn’t the active, energetic, happy person she had been. Getting back into exercise and eating healthier foods worked for her.

 While you recover from the pandemic, you may be torn between accepting changes and accepting acceptance. Here are ways to reconcile them for your well-being.

As a lasting gift of the pandemic, accept who you are and what you look like. We have faced isolation, losses, and existential threats that have reinforced the age-old lesson that what people are really made of is more important than what they look like. Taking this lesson to heart, says deVos, means applying it to ourselves and others. 

Christinq Stanton, a middle-aged tourism worker from New York City, was hospitalized twice for Covid-19. In the four months after her hospitalizations, she barely moved. It changed her body in different ways, and she gained a lot of weight, but she is grateful to have survived. She has embraced the new look, and has accepted she will never be what she was. 

Professor Nathaniel Herr of American University believes acceptance is an active process, and not a sign of resignation. Being honest and kind to yourself requires courage and effort. This is the only way you will be able to pinpoint any areas you might want to change and be energized to address them.

It is now a unique opportunity for us to reengage with the world intentionally and deliberately. Perhaps you decide that spending money and time on frequent hair treatments is not consistent with the more natural and stress-free lifestyle you want.  The “ACT Daily Journal” co-author and clinical psychologist Debbie Sorensen believes that the pandemic reset allows for transforming our lives and appearances to be more in line with our values. 

A change motivated by external factors is unlikely to last as long as one driven from within. The changes to your looks might give you a sense of how much has changed because of the pandemic. However, rather than attempting to alter your appearance so that you conform to the pressure of the pre-pandemic “normal,” you should develop your own new normal. If you go on a beauty binge just because everyone else is doing it, you’ll feel inauthentic and unsatisfied.

You should use what makes you tick to motivate you to accept yourself and change. If you have realized how much you value traveling, you may be able to accept a few wrinkles by simply putting your money toward your bucket list instead of spending it on expensive Botox treatments. Trying to make a change on her part, Duverneuil decided to adopt a puppy to help her get more exercise. This made sense to her because she wants to be healthier, walk more, and loves dogs.

It’s time to create a plan and take action if you have identified something you want to accept or change and why. Gradually achieving goals has been found to be effective. For example, a balayage or lowlight treatment can help you transition to gray hair. Or, instead of exercising every day, start by taking brisk walks only on Tuesdays and Thursdays at lunchtime.

Remember that quitting a bad habit is as challenging as starting one. Try substituting activities such as excessive checking of the mirror or weighing yourself  for meditation as a way to cope with pandemic changes.

Take advantage of both the real world and virtual world as social support systems. Try joining a group with a similar mind-set if you have accepted your gray hair but still feel judged by those around you, such as Silver Sisters. We are more likely to achieve our goals when we are part of a team with a common goal. 

We all struggle with self-acceptance at times. All of us fall off the wagon or lose steam when we try to change our goals. While you may be tempted to increase your self-criticism during these difficult times, an opposite approach will be more helpful. Sorensen believes that when we face these times, self-compassion is the key to long-term success.

Letting go of an all-or-nothing approach can help you come up with more options that make sense for your life, said Shireen Rizvi, an associate professor of clinical psychology at Rutgers University. She said research indicates that either/or thinking doesn’t help you to select your goals or get them started. 

Putting things into perspective also helps when we recall that we just experienced one of the most trying years in recent history. As you recognize how depleted you felt after the pandemic, honor how damaged your mind and body are, and begin to make meaningful changes that are now possible, it is okay to acknowledge how worn-out you feel. In order to make healthy choices, you have to recognize your inner bully. Then, you can choose to ignore it.